When Words Get In The Way...

Let me tell you something very personal…

I’m very sensitive with words…. I tend to take them very seriously that I oftentimes feel offended with even the slightest jokes or statements. Due to my calm and controlled nature, I tend to just shut-up and keep quiet whenever I encounter such ordeal...but deep inside me, a scar has been left.

For me, the measure of how educated a person is, is by the actions and choice of words which he/she utters. Everybody goes to school… it’s mandatory. There is no excuse to be illiterate in this age. Yet still, many people haven’t grasped the essence of being an “educated” person.  

It is good to be straight forward from time to time but you have to express it the best way possible.  I agree to my friend’s dad with the statement “There’s always a better way of saying things.” It’s just a play of words. Your choice of words can make or break relationships you see? And the worst thing is that most of the time, we tend to be so insensitive with what we’ve said. Little do we realize that we are already pushing precious people away from us… People who genuinely care for us.. By these irresponsible actions we slowly kill their spirits. And then in the future we later wonder why they left us.

blurting out my feelings a little...

I know that you yourself have been a victim of this for countless times.  I really hate hearing people giving you hints in a jokingly manner (nagpaparinig)… then you just smile and pretend like you didn’t care ‘coz you still had the decency to show them respect. I wish I had the courage to talk back =( 

You see, as brave as I may seem, I do find myself very much afraid of confrontations most of the time so I just keep my mouth shut. How I wish that someone would stand up and defend me for once. I really would like to know how it feels to be protected. =(

I’m still very saddened with what I heard…but I expect no apologies.  In my dreams! In these times, I have nobody to turn to but only myself. I’ve somehow managed to not to rely on anyone.

Beneath this intimidating mask is a little girl in need of some affection and understanding.  A longing to somehow feel worthy and appreciated … All I do, is do my best to grow and rise above the weeds which surround me, yet they still make efforts to drag me down the pits! 

I really don’t expect those guilty ones to change… I know it’s all gonna be on how I react on their every attack. I don’t wanna pretend to be strong for I feel very much oppressed with no one to rescue me. =(

Let me introduce you to my demon:

What’s new Mae? You should be used to these hurtful words by now….and never ever expect that someone would defend you! They’re too busy running their own lives… hiding their secrets…. building more and more lies that they don’t have any room for you! You will still be forgotten Mae, just like another facebook status posted on a wall that has been pushed to the abyss by newer worldly ideas…. Put an end to your weird ideas which nobody cares about and face the horrid facts of life.  You’re not as special as you think! End your life now.. what difference does it make anyway?  You’re not meant to be here!  NOBODY cares about you! You’re a lunatic Mae!

….. this is what I would hear in my head most of the time which I often try to defeat. Sometimes, I’m even convinced by the truth of these statements yet still, I manage to somehow reason with myself just to keep it all going.

stop or go?

I would have to admit that I’m still impaled with the statements. I am not a superwoman where I’m supposed to show bravery all the time. I do have my set of weaknesses which I’m not ashamed of… 

I also have the right to cry at times....

I wish people would be more sensitive next time.... =(